There are many exciting changes going on
here and a few important ones that I would like to share with you. First,
I am changing the focus of my weight loss groups to include the Universal
Law of Attraction . So if you would like to lose weight, create
prosperity and experience a sense of well-being let me know as soon as
possible and I will register you now for the fall. (603-778-4814 or denise@deniselamothe.com) Or
let me know if you would like telephone consultation based upon this
important Law.
Also, as I have mentioned in the past, Ann Louise
Gittleman and I have produced a CD entitled The Hidden Weight Gain
Factors. So many of us struggle with weight loss and end up repeating
old self-defeating patterns. There are good reasons for this. This CD
reveals the secrets. It will appear in my store shortly. I will keep you
posted.
One reason for us to overeat is that we may feel deprived
in some way. Here is a little "food for thought" on that
subject. You may feel deprived because you may be living much of your
life in the service of others. To change this pattern you must have some
understanding of why you began this life of service to others and why you
continue to deprive yourself today. As long as you go through the motions
of living, attending to all that is outside of yourself, you are likely
to feel dissatisfied and unhappy. And until you are happy you will
continue to harm yourself by overeating and not giving yourself what you
really need. I am not saying that it is possible to be happy every minute
but it is possible to be happy most of the time and to take care of
yourself lovingly when you are not feeling at your best.
Let's look at where this behavior comes from. As you
understand, you will feel better about yourself and realize that the ways
you have been operating in the world make sense. Then you will be able to
make the important adjustments necessary to feel happier, healthier and
to come to a place of balance to achieve and a healthy, attractive
weight. Here is a bit of history to help you connect the dots.
Back in the early 1970s in Wellesley, Massachusetts, Jean
Baker-Miller, MD, a noted psychiatrist and author of the ground breaking
book Towards a New Psychology of Women was meeting with other
female professionals in psychology in her living room. They began talking
about available theories of human development and realized that all the
theories of the day had been written by men and normed on male
populations. This meant that all the theories that were available at the
time to help us understand human behavior were tested on men. They based
mental and emotional health on how these men behaved and, because of
this, women automatically appeared pathological. They could not test as
healthy when measured by the standards of the men. As you might imagine
this was quite a revelation and these women began then to study female
development specifically and how it differs from male development.
Their important research led to a theory of development known
as Self-in-Relation Theory. Here are the basic tenets of this important
work:
Although no theory can completely capture the exact
experience of every person, Self-in-Relation theory posits that for most
of us the following appears to fit. Simply put, males and females may be
similar at birth, but gender does make a difference and each are soon
diverted onto different social pathways. Boys are taught not to cry, to
be tough and to put their feelings away. Later as men they are encouraged
to separate and individuate. This means they are expected to be
autonomous, to take care of themselves, provide materially for their
families and to prove their worth through being successful, primarily at
work. Their self- esteem depends on their ability to hold onto a good job
and to earn a good living.
Females, on the other hand, are urged in the direction of
relationship. As little girls we are given dolls to nurture and play
kitchens. We are asked to attend to our younger siblings and to take care
of others' children. We learn from an early age that it is our job to
attend to the relationships around us. Our self- esteem depends on our
ability to do this -- to make and to maintain growthful, reciprocal
relationships. We are women and we are all about connection. We are the
ones keeping the home fires burning most of the time and we are the ones
attempting to anticipate and fulfill other's needs. We are likely to feel
responsible if a relationship is not going well and to assume it is our
responsibility to fix whatever is wrong to restore the relationship to a
peaceful, positive state.
As mentioned earlier, no theory can accurately capture
every person's exact experience. Men are certainly capable of nurturing
and women can compete very well in the workplace, sometimes earning more
money than their mates. In general, however, you will recognize parts of
yourself as we consider the implications of these underpinnings of
Self-in- Relation theory on our behavior.
Some questions we will consider in future newsletters are:
How have we been affected by our socialization process? How do we manage
our lives today as a result? What is the connection between our
socialization process and the ways we abuse food?
Understanding the implications of Self-in-Relation Theory
will give you valuable information to assist you on your journey. The
more pieces you have to put together, the more you will realize why you
behave as you do. Then, armed with this understanding, you will more
easily make the changes necessary to feel better and to come to your
perfect weight.
I will be out of the country until mid-September but
please do call or e-mail and let me know if you would like to be a part
of this exciting Law
of Attraction weight loss group or to participate in a weekend
workshop. I will return your e-mails and calls when I return the third
week of September and hope to begin morning and evening groupd the final
week of the month. Reserve your space now! I will only be able to accept
7 people per group.
Warmest wishes and I hope to hear from you soon.
Dr. Denise |
